American writer, humorist and essayist
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.