American writer, humorist and essayist
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.