humor Quotes

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

To be famous, in fact, one has only to kill one's landlady.

If there should prove to be one real, living Free State Democrat in Kansas, I suggest that it might be well to catch him and stuff and preserve his skin as an interesting specimen of that soon-to-be-extinct variety of the genus Democrat.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Isn't it strange that I who have written only unpopular books should be such a popular fellow?

The secret to humor is surprise.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.