American writer, humorist and essayist
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
When in doubt tell the truth.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.