American writer, humorist and essayist
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.