American writer, humorist and essayist
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
We are all alike, on the inside.
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.